How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
