All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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