I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
