You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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