New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
