Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
