these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
