she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize