I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
