remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
