i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
