my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
try to milk me bitch
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
