Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
