morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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