I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
