do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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