That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
