If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
