Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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