We're facebook friends in real life
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
