Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
