??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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