....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
