Christians are straight up FREAKS
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
