if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
