I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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