he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and she was petting her beer can
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
