you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
