I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
