im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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