U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
