i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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