Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
