maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
