Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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