I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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