I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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