i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
