Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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