I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
