One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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