how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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