i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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