he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
