Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
