nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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