...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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