I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
