I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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