you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
