I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
