I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
