I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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