Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
