Yo dont text me then not text me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
