Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
