bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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