At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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