i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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