Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Who died my cat blue again?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
