plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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