Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
