I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
