i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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