u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize